


I Swear to God, I Swear I Never Even Knew What Drugs Were

by winterpillowtalk



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Detectives, Break Up, Drug Use, Established Relationship, Humor, Multi, Murder Mystery, Mystery, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 09:40:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6149392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterpillowtalk/pseuds/winterpillowtalk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Double dates had always seemed like such a good idea to Harry. However, he couldn't have imagined what was about to happen the following day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Swear to God, I Swear I Never Even Knew What Drugs Were

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from The Queen Is Dead - The Smiths.

Ayla Dean looked at the shiny Made in the P.M. album in her hands and felt happy.

She walked over to the window and reflected on her potato-smelling surroundings. She had always loved soil-filled The House of Potatoes with its pongy, powerful Potatoes. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel happy.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Dan Bush. Dan was a nope not a cheese lover with short hair and tall calves.

Ayla gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was an okay, meh, cheese fondue drinker with tall hair and tall calves. Her friends saw her as a clever, cold cheese lover. Once, she had even jumped into a river and saved a terrible Dan (because he doesn't like potatoes).

But not even an okay person who had once jumped into a river and saved a terrible Dan (because he doesn't like potatoes), was prepared for what Dan had in store today.

The wind blew like loving cats, making Ayla upset that there aren't any pillows or talking in the PILLOWTALK video.

As Ayla stepped outside and Dan came closer, she could see the short glint in his eye.

"Look Ayla," growled Dan, with a hmm glare that reminded Ayla of nope cats. "It's not that I don't love you, but I want To combine their names together to make "Bean". You owe me 6522 fries."

Ayla looked back, even more upset that there aren't any pillows or talking in the PILLOWTALK video and still fingering the shiny Made in the P.M. album. "Dan, nO I WILL NOT CHANGE MY NAME TO BEAN," she replied.

They looked at each other with murderous feelings, like two clear, colorful cats pillowtalking at a very nah 3D+D's summer tour, which had ZAYN music playing in the background and two whoa uncles jogging to the beat.

Ayla studied Dan's short hair and tall calves. Eventually, she took a deep breath. "I'm afraid I declared myself bankrupt," explained Ayla. "You will never get your money."

"No!" objected Dan. "You lie!"

"I do not!" retorted Ayla. "Now get your short hair out of here before I hit you with this shiny Made in the P.M. album."

Dan looked wanting to listen to ZAYN, his wallet raw like a deadly, doubtful Down All Morning EP.

Ayla could actually hear Dan's wallet shatter into 6522 pieces. Then the nope not a cheese lover hurried away into the distance.

Not even a drink of cheese fondue would calm Ayla's nerves tonight.


End file.
